


The Heist

by Cirice



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Crack, Gen, Skyrim Kink Meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2014-02-10
Packaged: 2018-01-11 20:32:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1177598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cirice/pseuds/Cirice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karliah and the Guild Master pull off the perfect crime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Heist

**Author's Note:**

> So this was a crack fic I wrote for the kinkmeme like two years ago (and my first fanfic I ever wrote whoops) and subsequently forgot about until now.

“Are you sure it’ll work?”

“Of course it will!”

“Well, I’d think the people here would be more-“

“Perceptive? You’ve clearly been out of the game a bit too long, Karliah; I swear sometimes all you guild types make stealing harder than it really is.” 

Karliah and Salma Marendal were making their way up to Riverwood from the south road. After returning the Skeleton Key, restoring the Thieves Guild, and becoming its master, Salma decided to go back to her petty criminal roots and rob a few small businesses, just for cheap amusement and quick gold. When Karliah asked her about potential work as she was leaving, Salma couldn’t resist bringing her along and showing her a… well, admittedly ridiculous trick she’d picked up when she was just a novice thief. 

“Watch the door, I’ll do the work. Store’s called the Riverwood Trader. General items. Decent stock. Plus, the owners trust me. When I first got here I helped them get their Golden Claw back from some bandits. They always thank me for it when I walk in, even though I stole it back thirty seconds after returning it.” Salma chuckled at the memory as she opened the door to the shop; Karliah just facepalmed and followed her in. 

“Welcome to the Riverwood Trader! Let me know if you see anything you like,” bellowed Lucan Valerius from his counter. 

“Oh, I will,” replied Salma with a sarcasm-heavy tone. She shot a smirk at Karliah, who turned her attention towards the floorboards. This was the most obvious robbery she’d ever been a part of, and it actually made her feel a bit nervous. Karliah usually found safety in the shadows, but it seemed Salma operated differently than her. 

“Oh, and thank you again for taking care of those thieves. The Riverwood Trader is back to the way it used to be!” Lucan shouted again.

“Don’t worry about it,” snickered Salma, who grabbed a basket and put it over Lucan’s head. The owner of the Riverwood Trader just stood there, oblivious to what Salma had done.

“Yes. It means so much to us to have the claw back where it belongs. Thank you!” Camilla Valerius also received a basket over the head from Salma. And Camilla too was oblivious to this fact. 

Struggling not to burst out laughing, Salma made for the stock behind Lucan and began to hastily dump potions from the shelves into a bag she brought. After clearing the shelves, she grabbed a few coin purses from under the counter and began to head over to the chest in the corner.

“Salma!” whispered Karliah. When Salma looked up, she saw a wide-eyed Karliah and that Camilla’s basket had almost fallen off of her head. 

“Go, go, go!” Karliah whispered again, opening the door. Salma swiftly ran out with her bag of loot, Karliah quickly closing the door behind her. After the tensity of the moment passed, Salma burst out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Despite her better judgment, Karliah smiled and chuckled a bit as well. 

“That was golden! They didn’t even notice!” breathed out Salma in between her fits of giggles and moments of trying to catch her breath, “Oh gods, that never gets old, I swear. Now do you see why I love blatant robberies?” 

Karliah crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, but was still smiling as she did so. “I guess so, but I think I’ll stick to the shadows in the future.”

“Oh, but that was only one store! We still have all the businesses in Whiterun to rob, and Mallus over at Black-Briar West to fence the goods to. We’ll be rich in an evening!”

“Oh fine, I guess I’ll accompany you for these jobs as well.”

“I knew you’d want to.” Salma smiled as her fellow Dunmer walked with her towards the city of Whiterun, taking the bag and inspecting some of the loot while taking the short journey. 

“Karliah?”

“Yes, fellow Nightingale?”

“How do store owners know if something’s stolen? I mean, it all looks the same to me.”

“I don’t know, Salma. I don’t know.”


End file.
